


Cherry Bomb

by hypereuni



Category: Naruto
Genre: Age Swap, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Alternate Universe - The Incredibles Fusion, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Crush at First Sight, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Kakashi's POV, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sakumo's pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-03-14 00:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13582251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypereuni/pseuds/hypereuni
Summary: He thinks superheroes are overrated until he meets the lady next door who punts mailboxes like footballs. Kakasaku. The Incredibles AU, age swap.





	1. First Impressions

_Click click_.

Kakashi lowers the lens and resumes walking. There's only one more block before he reaches his house. The streets are empty, but Kakashi faithfully stops when the red stop sign flickers on. "Be careful when you cross the street, my little scarecrow," Sakumo had told him earlier in the morning while flipping pancakes, and Kakashi listens because rules are rules and the ones his father makes are carved on the walls of Kakashi's heart. Kakashi likes rules, especially the ones that his father tells him to follow because they make him feel safe, even if Sakumo himself isn't a superhero.

There's always a big fuss about superheroes, especially the newer trio that has been spotted around this area. Superheroes nowadays almost never work alone, like they did during the Golden Age of super-dom; they're now required to work in teams of two to four people. They can thank Mr. Incredible, former Golden Boy and middle-aged has-been, for that particular regulation that the Super Association enforced shortly after the fiasco with the botched suicide a decade ago. The current generation might find the system a little restricting of course, but it's not without benefits. There's more camaraderie and less competition between supers, which also leads to better communication between them, the upper echelons, the police, and most importantly, the public.

Well, it hasn't completely stopped the stupid dick-measuring, but even the supers with over-inflated egos (and small hands) have to grudgingly admit that the Terrible Three are the rising stars of this current generation of superheroes. Kakashi isn't really a fan of supers in general but even he knows about them: Beast Boy, The Avenger and Cherry Bomb. Rin, who sits between him and the class idiot (she's a nice girl, even if she does sigh a lot whenever she's around him—does she have a respiratory problem?), has pictures and news clippings of Cherry Bomb plastered all over her desk. It's not just Rin either-a lot of girls in his school have done the same.

Kakashi really doesn't see her appeal. Sure she's one of the strongest female supers out there and she's basically the poster girl for girl power (there're billboards out there with her posing with Elastigirl and a caption that reads "Girls are strong—Like US" in bold black letters) but objectively speaking, she's the weakest of her squad. When Beast Boy and Avenger aren't squabbling, they each neutralize more enemies in a battle than she can. Besides, who needs superhuman strength when they have someone who already has that power, anyway? Mr. Incredible may not be as young as he used to be and his beer gut is pretty impressive but he can probably still benchpress more cars with his little finger than Cherry Bomb can with her whole body.

Not that it really matters to Kakashi. No one, not even Cherry Bomb, not even Mr. Incredible, can quite measure up to his father. Sakumo's just a small town cop and he may not be a superhero but he's  _Kakashi's_  hero, and that's all that really matters in a world that solely revolves around his father and himself. With someone as reliable as his father around in this sleepy little suburban commuter town, everything is in its rightful place— tidy, organized, compartmentalized. It's a little like how his toys are neatly arranged by color or how his books on his shelf are organized by alphabetical order.

It's perfect even without the help of supers, and Kakashi likes it this way.

It's a beautiful summer day in the suburbs but there's absolutely no one outside. It's summer break after all; everyone on the block is either already vacationing in Hawaii or melting quietly on their sofas with the air conditioners on full blast. So he's surprised when the door to the house right next to theirs suddenly slams open and the lady from next door stalks out, dragging something behind her. Well, he's more taken back at the ease with which she drags the thing behind her with one hand. With her paper-white skin and pink hair, she looks like a porcelain doll that should be housed in a case with a sign affixed to it that reads "Fragile. Handle with care."

Nothing about her screams delicate now.

"Sakura-chan," the vaguely humanoid lump on the ground groans, and Kakashi realizes with horror that it's not a some _thing_ , it's a some _one_ —a masked blond man with facial scars that look like whiskers from where Kakashi is standing. It's nearly a hundred degrees outside but the man is wearing a neon orange spandex suit and a cape that would have been whiter if it wasn't for the dirt and blood stains.

He looks really familiar, but Kakashi doesn't get why. Maybe the man worked at the costume pop-up shop downtown? It was a little too early for Halloween but hey, he wasn't about to judge.

The woman pauses and lifts the man by the collar of his cape. The man whimpers. There's a puff of smoke, and a fox wearing bright orange spandex leaps out of the woman's arms. The woman growls and makes a swipe at the fox, but the animal easily evades her hands and scampers down the street.

"Naruto you idiot, COME BACK THIS INSTANT," the woman shrieks. She grabs the postbox with one hand, wrenches it from the ground and punts the thing like a football. The mailbox soars in the air—and narrowly misses the fox, instead crashing into the asphalt with a sickening thud. The fox pauses to flirt its tail in an unmistakably taunting gesture, eliciting a growl from the woman, before vanishing into thin air. The woman screams in frustration—it's a wonder that no one has come out to complain about the racket she's making—and starts throwing everything around her. Including the oak saplings that the Neighborhood Association had planted a few years ago.

Kakashi silently watches her from a distance.

She's just torn down the neat cul-de-sac foundations of his cookie cutter life with her bare hands (AND destroyed public property, to top it off), but Kakashi's too shocked to muster any anger. He doesn't know why his heart is pounding so erratically in a staccato beat— _thumpthumpthump_ —but when the woman straightens her back, the sun illuminates her profile so that she looks like the painting of the victorious valkyrie hanging in the foyer at home. Something catches in his throat and he can't help but lift the camera to his face.

... _Click click_.

She freezes, and then slowly turns to look at him. Their eyes meet, and he nearly drops the camera. The woman narrows her green eyes at him. "You're that scarecrow kid from next door, right?"

Kakashi, still in shock, barely manages a stiff little nod and she groans and buries her face in her hands.

"My handler is going to kill me if he finds out about this," she mutters to herself. "You didn't take any pictures, did you?" She asks and he shakes his head vigorously. "Oh, good."

Then she winks at him. "Let's keep this a secret, okay?" she says. There's still something stuck in the back of his throat so Kakashi can't do anything but nod dumbly before running back home as fast as he can on his short legs. He doesn't say a word to his father, but as soon as he gets back home, he prints out the picture of Sakura that he took earlier that day and puts next to a picture of his father on his nightstand.

* * *

The older superheroes never really hang up their suits after they cede the limelight to the new generation of heroes. Some choose to branch out in different fields—medicine, biology, physics, politics—but most of them prefer to help the Super Association from the shadows.

The White Fang is no exception. Sakumo Hatake hasn't lost his edge yet, not even after spending long quiet years in semi-retirement in the suburbs. After tucking Kakashi into bed, he quietly shuts the front door and goes into town. He lopes into a dimly lit bar and slides into one of the corner booths. It's already occupied; the woman sitting there raises her head in greeting before slumping down. "Rough day?" He asks. The woman opens one bloodshot green eye.

"You could say that, yeah," she sighs, tucking one greasy strand of pink hair behind one ear. "Naruto did something stupid again, so I had to go deal with that,  _plus_  I'm covering the night shift at the hospital since Shizune's sick with the flu. What's up?"

"Petty larceny, same motive," Sakumo says succinctly and his companion groans. "I thought the one from two weeks ago was the last of the lot," she grumbles. "Seriously, do these idiots actually think that saying "I'm lonely and single" is a valid excuse to terrorize women in their own homes and steal their underwear from their balconies? Ugh." The man just chuckles and slides a manila envelope over the table that disappears somewhere in the folds of the woman's trench coat.

"If that's all, I'll be heading out now," the woman says. She rises from her seat but finds her way blocked by Sakumo's leg.

"Not so fast, Cherry." Sakumo crinkles his eyes at the woman. "Care to explain why my son has a picture of you destroying federal property, my dear?"

* * *

A/N: I ripped Sakura's super name from NCT127's Cherry Bomb. If it wasn't clear enough, Cherry Bomb is Sakura, Beast Boy is Naruto, White Fang is Sakumo (semi-retired ex-super who now works as Sakura's handler) and The Avenger is Sasuke. Hope you all enjoyed this story! If you can, please let me know what you think about it. I'll probably come up with an omake or something if enough people are interested. Or tell me about how excited you are about the new Incredibles movie coming out this summer. Anyone excited for Incredibles 2? BECAUSE I AM.

Also, so much kudos to those writers (probably most of you here, really) who can write up a 3000 word story in 2 hours like BAM! I've tinkered with this idea for the better part of two weeks and man it was like shitting bricks and it's not even 2000 words. Ugh ugh ugh.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

**Due to popular request, I'm posting a few drabbles of this world. Stay tuned for more!**

* * *

"Tou-san?"

"Yes, child?" His father had come home a while ago, and they're in the middle of making dinner together. They've decided to use the leftover produce from their purchases at the farmer's market last week to make Japanese curry.

"Have you ever met the next-door lady? You know, the one who moved here two days ago? Pink hair, green eyes?" Kakashi says. He tries to tamp down on his enthusiasm and play it cool.

"Oh? Do you mean Sakura-chan?" Sakumo says distractedly, riffling through the haphazard stack of recipes. "Of course I do. I guess we've never had the time to welcome her with your mother's special brownies. Remind me to pick up some eggs and chocolate the next time we head to town, son. Ah, here it is."

"How do you know her?" Kakashi asks curiously.

"Through work, of course," his father says, busying himself with dinner preparations. "Do me a favor and peel an onion for me, will you? Oh, and a few of those beautiful carrots."

Kakashi passes him a peeled onion and two orange-red carrots and Sakumo gives him an eye-crease before taking out the cutting board.

"So," Sakumo raises his voice slightly over the sound of the knife as he begins to chop, "Did you run into Sakura today?"

Kakashi tries to hide the blush that rises in his cheeks, but it must have shown because a grin slowly spreads across Sakumo's face.

"I see," is all that his father says, but the grin remains on his face. He dumps the vegetables into the simmering pot on the stove and turns around to face his son. "Son, when I first met your mother…"

Kakashi can feel his face burning. When Sakumo was on a roll, he was on a roll—no one, not even Hatake Niwa, back when she was still alive, could stop Hatake Sakumo.

The gods finally decide to take pity on him after a while. The pot starts to emit black smoke.

"TOU-SAN, THE CURRY'S BURNING!" Kakashi interrupts at the part of his father's story when Sakumo and his yet-to-be wife decided to elope and come to the states. Sakumo whips around and frantically stirs the pot with a wooden spoon; brown clumps of potato and carrot are stuck to the bottom of the pot. They both run around the kitchen like a pair of headless chickens before Kakashi has the presence of mind to rescue the curry with a well-timed splash of water.

Thankfully, Sakumo refrains from mentioning Sakura again and they finish making dinner without any more mishaps.

* * *

It might have been because of the sun, or the sheer amount of walking he did today, but Kakashi is ready to fall into his bowl of curry at the dinner table. Sakumo notices this, of course, and hauls his son off to bed as soon as the dishes are washed and dried.

"I'm too old to be tucked in," Kakashi whines, but Sakumo doesn't take no for an answer.

"Don't begrudge an old man his few pleasures in life," Sakumo says, fluffing up the pillows. He draws the shuriken-patterned sheets securely around his son. "Besides, you'll always be this little if you don't drink your milk properly, and I know for a fact that Sakura likes the tall and handsome type—"

"TOU-SAN!"

Chuckling, Sakumo bends over to peck Kakashi's forehead and ruffle his hair. He reaches out to turn off the lamp—and freezes.

"Son? Where did you get this photo?" Sakumo says after a pause. His voice sounds a little strained, but Kakashi is getting too sleepy to puzzle over this oddity.

"Mmhph. S'kura…b'tiful," Kakashi slurs. "S'not to tell anyone."

He's already fast asleep by the time Sakumo finally turns off the light and closes the door.

When Kakashi wakes up the next morning, it takes him a few moments to realize that the photo of Sakura is gone.

* * *

 

AN: Correction: Sakumo's wife is Hatake Niwa, not Minori. Oops. Again, I don't plan things out very carefully. 

Thanks to Google Translate: niwa = garden.


	3. Chapter 3

**AHHH! Thank you so, so much for all of the supportive comments and constructive criticism! I would have never thought about continuing this if it weren't for all of the people who left reviews on this story. Because you guys are AWESOME and because we all need a break at the end of the day, here is chapter 3.**

* * *

Kakashi would much rather go outside on a walk, maybe snap a few more pictures (and hopefully catch a glimpse of his beautiful but terrifying neighbor) but the fickle sky has evidently decided that the dry, yellowed lawns of Konoha need watering. He wanders around the house, looking for things to do indoors. He's read and re-read all of his books countless times, and the novelty of exploring the worlds inside them has worn away. Sakumo's still at work, so it's just him and the dogs at home.

In the end, he curls up on the couch with Pakkun and Bisuke and a cup of hot cocoa warming his hands, idly flipping through channels on the telly while sheets of rain pound the streets outside. He's about to give up and take a nap with the dogs when a flash of bright pink on the screen stops his thumb from pressing the power button on the remote.

"…It's now time for our monthly Super Spotlight, featuring our protectors, the superheroes of America! I have here with me three of our newest supers. Let's give it up for our Terrible Three: Cherry Bomb, Beast Boy, and Avenger!"

"Terrible Three, my foot," he scoffs, accidentally jostling Bisuke's head on his lap. Bisuke, startled by the sudden movement, opens his eyes wide. When he's sure that Kakashi isn't moving again, he nudges his head back on Kakashi's leg and promptly falls asleep.

Kakashi feels a slight twinge of disappointment. It's just the Gormless Trio, as usual (no Sakura in sight) but at this point, he's resigned himself to watching this show until he finishes all of his cocoa.

Of course, his next door neighbor— _Sakura_ , his mind automatically supplies—wouldn't possibly on national television, even if she  _should_  be. Someone as incredibly beautiful and talented as her should be on TV  _all_  the time; after all, his father did say that she was being trained by  _the_  Senju Tsunade, the reigning medical genius of the century. The Senju had flourished in America ever since they emigrated from the Old Country and settled down in Konoha a few generations ago. At school, Ken Senju, who only spoke English and didn't know a word of Japanese, often bragged about his great cousin Hashirama (who was three times removed from him, true, but don't be a stick in the mud, Kakashi—he was the co-founder of their town!) and about the number of worldwide accolades Senju Medical Institution had won this year.

Still, they should have called Sakura in, Kakashi thinks, disgustedly watching Beast Boy's and Avenger's antics. She would have better things to say than the asinine joke that Beast Boy has just said that falls flat on Kakashi's ears but which the TV audience laps up like water. Avenger promptly dishes out revenge, and the crowd laughs uproariously as the blond man in the neon orange suit flees the set, the man in the black cape hot at his heels.

But…then he'd have to share her with thousands of other people watching her at that moment. For a while, Kakashi debates the pros and cons of being able to see Sakura 24/7 on live television.

The cooling cup of hot cocoa sits on his lap, still untouched.

Kakashi turns his attention back to the screen (and to his drink). Beast Boy and Avenger are back. Kakashi must have missed something, because Beast Boy is nursing a black eye; Avenger, on the other hand, looks cool and collected as usual. Cherry Bomb is in the middle of taking off her black leather gloves, finally removing the left one with a snap that makes Beast Boy flinch instinctively.

Interesting.

"Well, that's all for today, folks!" The perpetually cheerful anchorman says. "This is Cherry Bomb"—the super ducks her head—"Beast Boy"—the blond whiskered man dramatically flexes his biceps before getting thumped on the head by his female teammate—"and Avenger!"

The super with the dark hair and the unnecessarily dramatic black cape scowls.

" _The_  Avenger. Not Avenger," he interjects. Even Kakashi can hear the slight note of irritation in his voice, but the news anchor barrels on.

"Thank you, Avenger—"

"THE Avenger, you incompetent fool."

"—Ah, yes," the man says, unfazed by the interruption. "Here we have Cherry Bomb, Beast Boy and Avenger! Let's hear that applause, shall we?" The superhero scowls. His blond teammate snickers off to the side before the masked woman jabs him in the gut to shut him up. She yanks his ear down to whisper something, and the man's face pales.

Kakashi squints at the screen. It's been itching at his mind for a while, but he's pretty sure that he's seen Beast Boy somewhere.

There's a pop, and the TV audience squeals as a bright orange fox skitters across the table and disappears into Avenger's lap. For a moment, the fox and the dark-haired man just stare at each other before chaos ensues.

Oh. So that's who the man at Sakura's house who turned into a fox was trying to imitate—

…Hold on a second. A fox? Was it even physically possible to fake a transformation?

"Ahaha. sorry about that, folks," Cherry Bomb says over the din in the background. She flicks her pink hair and flashes a bright smile.

Kakashi upsets his hot chocolate.

… _oh my god_.


	4. Chapter 4

"You know, I was joking when I said that we should give Sakura your mother's brownies," Sakumo says as he watches Kakashi putter around in the kitchen. "I wouldn't wish your mother's brownies on anyone, bless her soul."

Kakashi eyes his father dubiously. "They taste fine whenever  _you_  make them," he points out. "Besides, Gai's mom told me that Kaa-san was a wonderful cook."

Sakumo sheepishly scratches his head. "Yeah, well, that's because I cheat by using the boxed mix," his father admits. "Your mother was more of the DIY type, and uh, her cooking methods were a bit unorthodox. There's a reason why she and Maito-san were such close friends." He indicates the faded piece of paper lying on the kitchen counter.

NIWA'S SPECIAL LOVE-FILLED BROWNIES, it says in neat block letters.  _Some dark chocolate, some milk chocolate, some cocoa powder, a lot of flour, a pinch of baking powder, eggs, melted butter, some white sugar, a handful of chopped walnuts and lots and lots of LOVE,_  his mother had scrawled across the page.  _No need for precise measurements. Put whatever you think best expresses your feelings towards this person. Be careful not to over-mix. Preheat oven to 375 degrees Farenheit. Bake for however long you feel like baking. Note: Sakumo seems to like the batch I added some of Pakkun's dog biscuits into. He asked me today whatever it was I put in them. Must try out the Chicken & Rice flavored ones next time._

Kakashi just shrugs his shoulders. "Doesn't seem wrong to me," he says. "I mean, you do seem to like dog kibble." Sakumo groans and throws his arms up in the air.

"That was  _one_.  _Time_. The lights were off! It felt like a box of cereal! How was I supposed to know that I was eating dry dog food?" Sakumo wails. "Oh, and speaking of cereal, we should buy a different brand next time we go to the store. The stuff we have tasted a little off when I had some this morning. Are frosted flakes supposed to taste that savory?"

"…I'm pretty sure what you had for breakfast today was Pakkun's dog food, Tou-san," Kakashi tells his father. "Because I finished the box of cereal yesterday."

Sakumo hustles off to the bathroom, looking a little green. Kakashi continues to gather all of the ingredients he thinks he needs for his brownies.

Sakumo comes back just as Kakashi dumps the entire contents of the flour container into a mixing bowl.

"This is only a suggestion, nothing more," he says quickly when Kakashi gives him the stink eye. "But maaaybe you should consider using the measuring cups."

"Kaa-san's recipe doesn't require any measurements." Kakashi juts his chin out rebelliously. "It says here that measuring utensils and scales are for wusses."

Sakumo pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. "Yes, son, but most brownie recipes call for an exact amount. I think half a cup of flour should be enough for our pan." When Kakashi still doesn't look convinced, Sakumo turns away from his son and begins to broadcast to the empty living room. "I know that Sakura enjoys fudge-y brownies," he says loudly to no one in particular, "but those require EXACTLY. ONE. HALF. CUP—"

"All right, geez," Kakashi grumbles but dumps the rest of the flour back into the container. The same thing pretty much happens with the chocolate, cocoa powder, baking powder, sugar, butter, and eggs.

"Kakashi, what are those doing on the counter? You don't even like most of these things." Sakumo jerks his thumb at the assortment of goods on the kitchen island. There's a bag of pink jellybeans, some jalapenõ peppers, a can of red bean paste, a tray of mitarashi dango, and a jar of umeboshi. Kakashi brightens.

"Sakura-san likes taking walks in the park and reading textbooks filled with weird medical terms in the library but I can't put that into brownies so I went to the park and asked the weird man that that Sakura-san talks to sometimes who likes to stare at people but draws really really well and he told me that she likes anko and dango and umeboshi which I don't like very much but I guess Sakura-san likes but he then also said that she likes really,  _really_  spicy things  _a lot_  so I got some peppers at the store as well—"

Kakashi stops to take a breath and Sakumo cuts in before the boy can barrel on.

"My straw boy," Sakumo says. "Do you really think that our lovely neighbor will appreciate pink jellybeans in her brownies?" Kakashi pouts.

"But Kaa-san's recipe—"

Sakumo levels a look at his son, and Kakashi deflates. " _I_  wouldn't want jellybeans or anko or dango or umeboshi in  _my_  brownies," Kakashi admits, hanging his head. "But I want Sakura-san to know about my feelings. I want these to come out  **perfect**."

"I know, son." Sakumo ruffles his hair. "You can give these to her separately—they probably won't taste very good together, anyway."

In the end, they decide to add some frozen raspberries and cherries to the mixture before popping the pan into the oven.

* * *

"Yes, hello—Sakumo? What are you doing here?" Sakura looks confused and a little wary, which Kakashi figures is understandable, given that the two have met before at work. Sakumo just grins and pushes Kakashi in front.

"Just stopped by to say hello," Sakumo says breezily. "Welcome to the neighborhood, by the way. This is my son, Kakashi."

Kakashi gulps when Sakura looks at him. "Hello," he squeaks out and ducks his head. For some reason, he gets the feeling that she doesn't really like him. Which doesn't make any sense, because he hasn't told anyone about the incident. Or about his suspicions about her identity.

"Um. Er." Sakumo gives him a little nudge of support and Kakashi bravely forges on. "We, uh, thought you might like  _browniessohereyougo_ ," he says as fast as he can and offers her the plate of brownies. His face feels hot and he can feel his father trembling with suppressed laughter.

After a brief moment, Sakura gives him a smile that makes his heart pound and his stomach flop. "I appreciate it, Kakashi," she says kindly, and with a "May I?" she takes the plate of brownies off his hands.

"Oh, Kakashi has something else for you," Sakumo says and nudges his son again. Kakashi suspects that his father is having a little too much fun, and he resolves to substitute the new box of cereal with Chick 'n Rice Doggy De-lites.

"I-I talked to the man in the park who likes to draw," Kakashi mutters, flushing. He's pretty sure that his face is beet-red. "And he told me that you l-liked sweets." He hands her the grocery bag with the anko and the danko and the jar of umeboshi. For some reason, the jalapenõs aren't there. Where did he put them?

Sakura laughs. "Oh, Sai," she says fondly. "I'll have to tell him thanks for letting my neighbors know how to spoil me with treats." She winks at him.

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Someone shouts from inside, and the blond man from before—Beast Boy, Kakashi realizes now—bounds out. "What'cha got there? Brownies? Mmm. Can I have some? They smell  _amazing_ —"

Sakura shoves the man away with one hand, the other holding on to the plate, and smiles apologetically at Kakashi and his father. "Sorry, Naruto's a little rambunctious," she says. "Thanks for the food. I'll see you around, Sakumo? You too, Kakashi."

"Have a g-good night," Kakashi stammers. Sakumo cheerfully waves a hand. Sakura smiles again—Kakashi's treacherous heart palpitates  _again_ —and the door closes behind her.

They walk back home in comfortable silence before Kakashi remembers what to ask his father.

"Tou-san?" Sakumo grunts in response. "Do you know where we put the jalapenõs? I didn't see them in the bag and I'm pretty sure that they weren't on the counter before we left."

"…You don't think you put them in the brownies, do you?"

"…I don't know."

* * *

AN: So the peppers  _are_  in the brownies but Naruto eats the whole plate when Sakura's back is turned around and ends up with a stomachache and a black eye for his troubles. Poor kid.

Questions? Comments? Send 'em in.


	5. Chapter 5

AN:  Onwards with the story! Warning: slight angst coming up ahead. Sorry.

[3/26/18]: Reposted with minor corrections. I forgot that this is a generation swap, so **Aburame Shino** is Kakashi's homeroom teacher, not Umino Iruka. 

* * *

 

Kakashi slumps in his seat. There’s still an hour and thirty-five minutes of school left but all he wants to do is go home, walk the dogs and maybe, just _maybe_ be able to say more than a timid “H-hello” without a red face when Sakura jogs past him. He’s discovered earlier this week that Sakura normally goes out to jog in the park around this time, since he’s always seems to meet her when she’s heading towards the direction of her house. 

There are supposed to be two guest lecturers coming in for Comparative Government, but Kakashi doesn’t have high hopes. He glances at the class idiot to his right—and deflates when he sees Obito already fast asleep, drooling all over his assignment. 

Well, there went his only source of distraction. Stupidity wasn’t contagious as a general rule, but even if Baka-Obito’s particular brand of stupidity _was_ , at least arguing with Obito helped time go by faster. 

“Sorry, class,” Shino-sensei apologizes, looking frazzled. He glances at his wristwatch again. “The guest lecturers are a little behind time, so I guess I’ll just start with the lecture I originally planned for today—oh, there you are,” he says with a sigh of relief when the classroom door creaks open. “Class, please welcome our special guests…”

Kakashi yawns and stares out the window. It was probably Mayor Namikaze or some other bigwig. The mayor is alright, but Kakashi’s already met Minato one too many times at Sakumo’s informal get-togethers that the novelty of meeting Minato in his official position is already gone. 

He turns back to face the blackboard, resigned to another hour and twenty-three minutes of absolute boredom—and barely dodges the piece of chalk that whizzes past his left ear. He looks up, confused and annoyed, to meet a pair of bright green eyes. 

He gulps. 

She smiles. 

“Now that I have everyone’s attention,” Cherry Bomb says. “Let’s begin our presentation for today.” Umino-sensei turns off the lights, and the projector roars to life. 

**Do _YOU_ want to be a SUPER?** The first slide reads in bright blue letters. There’s a Google stock image of a superhero rescuing a cat from a tree right underneath the title. 

“Today,” The Avenger says tonelessly. “We will be discussing the superhero recruitment process.”

Kakashi bolts upright in his seat. 

* * *

 

”Tou-san?"

"Mm?"

"So, uh," Kakashi hesitates before deciding _ohwhatthehell_. "I want to take the test. You know. For supers."

Sakumo stacks another plate on the drying rack. He reaches for another dirty dish in the sink.

"Anyway, they were handing out permission slips for people who wanted to apply," Kakashi says brightly. "Sa--Cherry Bomb and one of her partners came to school. Apparently our school has the highest acceptance rate in the country: 34%! Isn’t that pretty high? But I guess that means only nine of us can pass, since there’re 27 kids in the whole grade. We have to be assigned to teams in order to pass the test, so I got stuck with the class idiot and a girl with really serious asthma. It’s kind of weird that she only gets like that around me, so I think that she might be allergic to dog hair. Anyway, the Terrible Three are supposed to be mentoring three of the teams so I’m super duper excited. Can you sign my permission slip so we can enter the first round?”

There’s a moment of silence before Sakumo responds.

Sakumo dries his hands and tugs off the ridiculous frilled apron. He settles himself down on the floor, back against the wall. Kakashi copies him, snagging a floor cushion from the stack by the low table. Sakumo waits until Kakashi's properly seated before responding to his inquiry.

"The answer," Sakumo quietly says, "is no."

Kakashi looks at his father, feeling betrayed. “But Tou-san! Even _Gai_ says that he’s going to take the test and he'll probably fail the written portion because he's just a muscle head. I'm pretty sure the program will weed out a lot of people but I can do well! I've always done well on tests! Why won't you let me?"

"Straw son," Sakumo cradles his head in his arms. "Please. Don't ask me to do this."

"...I've never asked you for a favor before," Kakashi says quietly. "Please, Tou-san. This will be the only thing I ask of you. Ever."

Sakumo remains silent. His head is still in his arms. Without his starched uniform and the badge and the paraphernalia that a police officer carries around with him, Kakashi realizes, his father looks shrunken, worn by age and time and grief.

"Tou-san," Kakashi begs, "Please please _please_ let me do this--"

"Hatake Kakashi," his father grits out, finally raising his head. It's the first time that his father has ever used Kakashi's full name as a way of expressing angry authority, and Kakashi reluctantly closes his mouth. "NO. I won't allow it."

"Well, why not?" Kakashi says angrily. Kakashi knows that it’s hard for Sakumo to shoulder the responsibilities of his job as a cop and as a single parent, but this is the first time Kakashi desperately wants to do something for himself, to be unapologetically _selfish_. "Why won't you let me decide my life for myself? It's not like I'll automatically get in, I just want the chance to apply—”

“Because you CAN’T, Kakashi,” Sakumo shouts. “You can’t. Y-you…” He fists his hands in his white hair, looking for the right words to say, the right words that will cushion the blow. “You’re not…” He sighs. 

“Is this about my eye?” Kakashi asks quietly. Sakumo doesn’t respond, but he leans over and wraps an arm around Kakashi’s lanky frame. 

“Straw son,” his father sighs. “I know that you’ll be able to pass. But being a superhero is…difficult. There are more things at risk than whatever you see on the TV screen.” Sakumo pauses. 

“What I mean to say is,” Sakumo’s voice cracks, “I-I don’t want to lose you again.” His father sounds so lost and forlorn that Kakashi can’t do anything but shift himself more snugly into Sakumo’s one-armed embrace. 

They stay there until the shadows creep through the window and engulf the house in darkness. 


	6. Chapter 6

Warning: Angst + Sakumo. It’s getting late and my head isn’t functioning properly, so I’ve probably confused a lot of my tenses. Oops.

* * *

 

_Thirteen years ago:_

It’s a normal Tuesday, as far as work days go. This is supposed to be a simple retrieval mission—that is, if rescuing the grandniece of a prominent Konoha politician for the umpteenth time could be considered a simple mission. Their handler conveniently neglects to mention the massive political fallout that would occur if the fact that the White Fang and the Yellow Flash illegally crossed the Kumo-Konoha border ever surfaces. 

“This is the last time I’m saving Kushina from another kidnapper,” his mission partner grumbles. “Seriously, how many times has it been? Six? Seven?”

“Fifteen, actually,” Sakumo says, snickering. Namikaze Minato shakes his head but adjusts the snoring woman on his back to his front so that he’s carrying her in a princess hold. It’s a surprisingly tender gesture for the Yellow Flash, who normally shies away from PDAs.

“That’s cute, senpai,” Sakumo teases. Minato sputters for a few seconds and his face reddens like a tomato. The color of his skin clashes terribly with the woman’s red hair that rests on his shoulder and Sakumo can’t help but needle the poor man some more.

“I mean, are you _sure_ you two have a thirteen year old?” Sakumo continues,enjoying the way Minato’s skin begins to splotch. “Because to me it looks like you’re acting just like a virgi—”

“I haven’t tried shoving a Rasengan in anyone's ass yet,” Minato muses out loud. He’s managed to free one of his hands without disturbing Kushina’s slumber. He performs a few one-handed signs and a blue ball of swirling energy appears in the center of his palm. “But I guess there’s always a first.”

Sakumo takes the hint and shuts his mouth. They travel in companionable silence until they finally reach the highway that leads to the City of Konoha proper. Minato squints into the distance and slows to a halt. 

“I think,” he says slowly, “there’s some smoke ahead of us, around 50 kilometers away. Might be wrong, though. Can you check?” 

Sakumo raises his head and sniffs the air.

“…Car accident,” Sakumo determines. The air carries the metallic tang of blood and hot metal and degrading paint…and something oddly familiar that he can’t place.

It doesn’t seem quite right.

Sakumo sniffs the air again, this time closing his eyes to better parse out the different scents in the breeze. 

There’s the scent of rot and pine from the forest, the acrid smell of burning rubber and plastic from miles away, and…

…very, very faintly, Pakkun’s dog scent and Niwa’s gardenia perfume. 

His heart stops.

* * *

AN: Reposted for minor edits. Thanks, rrage, for pointing those out!

 


	7. Chapter 7

By the time he rushes back with the Yellow Flash and his wife in tow, Hatake Niwa’s broken body has already been wheeled off to the Senju Medical Institute. 

He barrels into the room, just in time to see the nurses place the body on the gurney and cover it up with a sheet. When one of them notices him standing in the entrance, she nudges the male assistant next to her and the man obliges by gently lifting the paper sheet to uncover the dead woman’s face. They have the decency to close the door behind them.

Niwa’s eyes are closed, thankfully, but Sakumo imagines them blinking wide open, slate-gray eyes staring accusingly at him.

 

_You’re late._ The words hang in the air unspoken, but Sakumo understands.

 

The nurses open the door to see Sakumo still standing in the same position, staring at his wife’s body with a distant look in his eyes. 

He sways a little, and the male nurse steadies him with one hand. 

“Easy, sir. It’s going to be okay.” 

Sakumo desperately grabs the nurse’s arm, looking for something to anchor him to reality, to reassure him that yes, that was his wife’s lifeless body covered with a sterile paper sheet.

 

“Never okay,” Sakumo mumbles, still clinging to the man. “I was late.”

* * *

This is not the first instance that he’s not on time. In fact, he’s been tardy since the very first date. Maybe he should have told her before, warned her of the possible repercussions, the uncertainties of dating a boyfriend who might just ditch her in the middle of a date to be a superhero.

But Niwa doesn’t ask any questions on that first date, not even after he shows up two hours later than the appointed time. She’s miraculously still waiting by the fountain when Sakumo finally arrives with a bouquet of tulips in his hand. She waves away the flimsy excuse and the flowers he offers and hands him her pug’s leash…and a tupperware container full of brownies.

“I figured that you’d be late when you called me before, so I already ate dinner,” she says, “but you probably didn’t have anything, right? And since this _is_ your fault, you get to clean up after Pakkun.” 

She winks, and Sakumo promptly falls in love. 

But the first date pretty much set the tone for subsequent dates and events, including their own wedding (which he crashed by jumping through the great stained glass windows of the cathedral to save time) and the birth of his son just a few months ago. Niwa had finally put her foot down at the last one.

When Sakumo had shown up in front of her room, sheepishly holding another bouquet of flowers, Niwa had taken a look at him and snorted. “I won’t ask about whatever it is that made you late this time,” she had said quietly but firmly. “But _stop it_. And take those silly flowers away, they’re making Kakashi sneeze.” 

When the newborn cradled to her chest yawned and turned toward his errant father, blinking his mother’s slate-gray eyes at him, Sakumo had capitulated. He wasn’t able to completely retire from his position, but he’d managed to finagle a deal with Old Man Sarutobi that would require him to be on super duty just once a month, leaving him enough time to be with Niwa and the baby.

* * *

“KAKASHI!” Sakumo remembers. He clutches whatever he’s holding in his hands more tightly. “Is Kakashi okay? What happened to him?”

Niwa had been driving back from the supermarket when the bomb hidden in the car had gone off. She would have probably taken the baby with her when she left the house; she would never, ever left Kakashi at home alone. 

 

_So where is Kakashi_?

Kakashi couldn’t have…left. Like Niwa.

 

…N-No. 

Never.

 

Not Kakashi—please not _him_ , not his little straw man, Kakashi didn’t even have any powers yet, he’d just _got here_ —he couldn’t possibly leave this world so soon, not when he and Niwa tried so, so hard for a child. 

Kakashi wouldn’t leave his father here alone.

 

_Not when Niwa was already gone_.

 

“P-Please calm down, s-sir,” the nurse says, trying to pry Sakumo’s fingers off his arm, which is purpling under his grip but Sakumo absentmindedly tightens his hold. 

“Kakashi,” Sakumo repeats. “My little boy. I want to see Kakashi—where is he?”

“S-sir, i-if you would just l-let go o-of m-my a-arm…”

They couldn’t be hiding Kakashi from him. 

 

… _Would they_?

 

“Where…is…my…son,” Sakumo grits out, digging his fingers deeper into the man’s arm, and the man screams. A few men wearing scrubs sprint into the room. Strong hands try to pull him off the man with no success, and Sakumo snarls. 

He twists the arm that he’s holding. There’s a popping sound and the muscles in the man’s arm go slack. The man makes a high-pitched keening sound and sobs even harder. 

“Call the director in. NOW. Don’t let him get to the kid,” he hears someone else say. Sakumo instinctively curls his lip to bare his slightly elongated canines.

 

How _dare_ they keep him away from his son. Who were they to keep him from his child?

 

He grabs the writhing man by the neck of his uniform and is about to toss him at the others when someone grabs him by the throat and slams him against the wall. Surprised, he lets go of his prey. 

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t manhandle my nurses, Hatake,” a feminine voice snarls. “Or I’ll have you put down like the rabid dog you are.” Sakumo wheezes out a few choice words that elicit a backhanded slap with Tsunade’s other hand. 

When she’s sure that Sakumo doesn’t present a threat anymore, Tsunade removes her hand from his neck and shakes off the plaster dusting the back of her hand. Sakumo collapses to the floor, gasping for breath. He glares at the woman with bloodshot eyes and bares his bloodied teeth. 

“Down, mutt. Whose hospital do you think you’re in?” Tsunade snaps. 

Sakumo reluctantly closes his mouth. He still continues to glare at Tsunade, who’s busy ordering her medics around. She briskly pops back the medic’s arm (“Don’t be a wimp, Daisuke. Go take a rest in the break room”). When she sees whose body is lying on the gurney, she sighs. 

“…Shit,” she mutters before glancing down at the man she’s just roughed up. 

“Senju-sama,” one of the nurses venture timidly. “Hatake Niwa-san came into the hospital with a child—” Sakumo’s eyes widen and he struggles to stand up. 

“Ka-ka…shi,” he coughs out. “Where…is he.” 

The nurse whispers to Tsunade, and the woman frowns for a moment. “Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she says peevishly to the woman. Tsunade turns to Sakumo. “Your kid’s alive, but there’re a few tests I need to run on him. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure out what’s wrong with him.” 

“Wait,” Sakumo rasps. “P-please. T-take me …to…him, I-I beg you.”

There’s a flash of what looks like pity in the Director’s eyes, but it must have been a trick of the light, because she turns her back on him. “Haruta, patch Hatake up,” she orders a man in a white lab coat standing near the entrance. “Take him to room 1009 when you’re done and tell him to WAIT.” She glares at the rest of the people in the room. “Well, what are the lot of you doing? I’m not paying you to rubberneck. Now scram before you find yourselves out the door without a job.”

With a click of heels, she disappears from the room.

* * *

 

AN: In case any of you were wondering, the Pakkun that Niwa owns is not the Pakkun that Kakashi and Sakumo own. Niwa's Pakkun dies in the car accident; the Pakkun in the present is Pakkun II. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Sakumo is twenty-six when his wife abruptly passes away.

He turns twenty-seven shortly after he buries his wife in the Konoha cemetery, and a few weeks later, he decides to hang up his suit and become an ordinary citizen. The White Fang disappears into the shadows and in his place stands Hatake Sakumo: widower, single parent, cop.

By all accounts, including his own, he was a terrible husband.

He swears to himself, to his dead wife, to the baby now sleeping fitfully in the crib placed next to the bed that is too big for one person, that he won’t be a failure of a father. So he watches, hovering anxiously, as Kakashi grows up from a whimpering, coughing bundle of blankets to the strong, smart boy he is now.

“Your kid’s healthy, Sakumo,” Tsunade tells him during one of Kakashi’s monthly check-ups. “The boy’s had a little bit of a shock, but his eye should be fine. He’ll have a scar on the left one, but his vision shouldn’t be compromised. If he’s like you, he’ll have perfect vision.”

But Sakumo can’t stop worrying.

When it comes time to train Kakashi in clan techniques, he balks. Konoha’s clans produce a disproportionate number of active and inactive superheroes. People were born with super powers but clans also passed down unique techniques that have been in the families for generations. There is a reason for the absurdly high percentage of Konohan graduates from the Super Academy, after all. 

_Danger_ , Sakumo thinks.  _Must protect._

So when Maito Dai begins to rouse his equally indefatigable 3 year old son at ungodly hours to train, Sakumo opts to take small steps. He gives Kakashi his old wooden bokuto and starts him onpracticing  _kata_.

_Baby steps_ , Sakumo thinks to himself a little desperately.  _This is fine. He’ll be safe._

But little five year old Maito Gai ruins his plans when he runs past the two of them one morning and calls out, “My eternal rival! You and your father are very youthful this morning, haha!” The boy has evidently copied both his father’s mannerisms and eccentric attire; both Gai and Dai are dressed in identical green tracksuits that fit a little  _too_  snugly.

Kakashi just rolls his eyes with a very adult expression on his childish face. “Go away, idiot,” he says. He swings his wooden sword again, and Sakumo hums.

“Don’t be mean to your friend, Kakashi. Also, your strike was a little too low. Again.”

“Sorry, tou-san.” Kakashi corrects his stance before running at the straw dummy again. He executes a clean swing that hits the dummy on the right side of its waist.

There’s the sound of clapping from where Gai and his father are standing behind the wooden fence around the Hatake’s backyard. Kakashi turns his head to scowl at Gai.

“Do you mind?” Kakashi grits out. Gai just grins widely.

“As expected of my rival! What a beautiful hit! You and your father surely train hard,” he chirps brightly. The boy’s beetle-black brows then knit together.

“Of course,” Gai says, "you cannot surpass me or my father! Because MY father is the best in the world.”

 

He smirks, and Kakashi  _growls_.

 

“Come here, you coward,” Kakashi shrieks, “I’ll show you who’s better!” but Gai is already running down the street, giggling madly. Kakashi clambers over the fence and runs after his self-proclaimed rival, who’s now a blur in the distance.

Maito Dai chuckles. “He has quite the temper. Takes after the missus, does he?” he comments. Sakumo just heaves out a fond but exasperated sigh.

“I know what you’re afraid of, Sakumo,” Dai then says. “But don’t clip his wings.” He fixes the other man with an uncharacteristically solemn look.

Sakumo winces. “…I know,” he says. "But it's hard."

Dai studies him for another uncomfortably long moment, and then beams. He claps Sakumo on the back. “See you around, old friend. Same place tonight? Drinks are on me, since we interrupted your practice.”

Kakashi finally comes back home when the sun is setting with a tired but triumphant expression.

“Tou-san,” he says. “I want to be stronger so I can beat Gai and tell him that he’s  _wrong_ ,” and despite how much Sakumo hates the idea of Kakashi getting hurt, he can’t say no to that determined look on his son’s face.

* * *

 

Despite his father’s reluctance to train him, Kakashi is a quick study with a deeply competitive streak that borders on obsession. He approaches everything, including schoolwork, with the same one-track mindedness that helps him soundly trounce Gai in all of their little competitions.

“Kakashi is an  _excellent_  student,” Kakashi’s primary school instructor gushes during the first parent-teacher conference Sakumo attends. “For example, this response is one of my favorites.”

She slides over one of Kakashi’s homework assignments to his father. “Most children write down names of superheroes, but throughout my entire career, I have only had one student write something else.”

**Who is your hero?** The prompt reads in bold letters across the top of the page. Below the prompt, Kakashi has very carefully replicated the Konoha County Police Department logo and badge in blue and green crayon.

But Sakumo doesn’t look at the detail of the coloring.

He only has eyes for his son’s uneven scrawl on the bottom of the paper.

**O** **ToU-San** , it reads.

“He thinks very highly of his father,” the woman says, smiling. “You’re very lucky to have Kakashi as a son, Hatake-san.”

And right then and there, Sakumo nearly cries.

 

So when his son—his perfect boy, his straw man—now asks him the very question he’s been dreading for the last thirteen years, Sakumo doesn’t know what to say.

“…Can you sign my permission slip for the first round?”

_Otou-san_ , he hears,  _I want to be a superhero_.

He’s torn between fatherly pride that Kakashi is his son through and through, even if the boy doesn’t know about Sakumo’s past, and the overwhelming concern of a single-minded and overprotective parent.

He's been preparing for this moment for years, but it still hits him like a freight train.

_Just...let me do this for one last time_ , he thinks, and he holds his son tightly in his arms for as long as he can before he musters up the courage to let him go.

* * *

AN: Sorry about the angsty chapters but I really wanted to explore Sakumo and Kakashi's relationship a little more. Too much fluff  rots my teeth. To make it up to you guys, I'll be taking requests for omakes. Any ideas? The more the better (and the sooner I'll be able to upload the next chapters because I am officially out of ideas.) 


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Still working on the next arc, so taking a breather until I finish working on the next few chapters. Thank you all for the lovely prompts (and the comments!!) and thanks for sticking around up ’til now! 

IT’S OMAKE TIME YO.

Just to make things clear—this is not a Sakura/Sakumo story, and stalking is bad. Don't do it. 

* * *

**Prompt (PeinSaku): I’d love to see Kakashi collecting weird, random little things from Sakura (like a used plastic spoon from a sundae she ate) and Sakumo just dying from the effort of not laughing as he secretly watches Kakashi’s shrine grow**

Sakumo opens the creaky latch of the window and lets the balmy spring breeze rush in and dispel some of the mustiness of the attic. He sneezes when the minute pollen grains from the oak tree in the backyard tickle his sensitive nose.

Damned allergies. 

He swipes half-heartedly at the grimy windowpanes, working on one side at a time. When he’s done with both sides of the window, he leaves it open to let in the air and moves on to the next window. 

From his vantage point up on the third-floor attic, where he’s doing some spring cleaning, he spots a head of bright pink hair walking past his house. Sakura looks up at him and waves. He waves back with his cleaning rag. He must look like a sight to behold, with his checkered bandana and frilly apron, because her mouth curves upwards into a smile. She laughs at her poor old teacher. 

“Sensei!” She hollers. “You look gorgeous today!”

Sakumo stands up and gives her a mock curtsey. She laughs for a little bit more before going on her way. 

Sakumo’s about to return to his cleaning when another flash of brightly colored hair catches his eye. This time, it’s white and spiky, like a hedgehog’s. Sakumo chuckles.

Ah. He’s at it again, wasn’t he?

Sakumo pauses mid-swipe as he watches his son squat down to pick up something glittery from the sidewalk. Kakashi looks around furtively, and when he’s sure that no one’s looking at him, he pockets the thing and runs off into the house. His father just gives a little sigh of exasperated fondness and returns to scrubbing the glass clean. 

* * *

When he hears the front door slam again and Kakashi’s footsteps run off into the direction of the soccer field, Sakumo drops his cleaning tools and heads over to his son’s bedroom.

Let’s see, what new thing did he contribute to the shrine today?

Kakashi’s room looks like any other young boy’s room, except that it’s probably the neatest Sakumo’s ever seen. The only thing that’s out of place are the random objects that clutter Kakashi’s bedside table. Things that Kakashi would have trashed immediately…but are nevertheless, still on the nightstand, weeks later. 

A bubblegum wrapper.

An unused band-aid with little yellow ducks. 

A movie ticket stub that has been hole-punched with a star-shaped hole.

Two black hair scrunchies and…ah. A small rhinestone barrette.

It’s not the first time that Sakumo thinks to himself that his son should have been named Karasu, because the way Kakashi likes to squirrel things away is not unlike that of a crow lining his nest with stolen trinkets. 

Sakumo bends down to take a closer look at Kakashi’s spoils—and freezes when he hears the jingling of keys. There’s no time to sneak out of Kakashi’s room, not when Kakashi’s hearing is sharper than his own. Sakumo surveys the room—and clambers into the closet when the thump-thump of feet on the staircase gets closer. It’s a tight fit, but he manages to tuck in his pointy elbows and long legs. He leaves the door slightly open, just in case. Hopefully Kakashi will just grab his duffel bag and head to practice. 

The bedroom door creaks open, and Kakashi enters the room with a bounce in his step. 

O- _ho_. What is it this time?

From the crack, Sakumo sees Kakashi rummage through his pockets. His son produces a post-it note with some vaguely familiar writing. 

Ah, Sakura-chan’s writing. 

_Hmm._

Kakashi carefully tears off the part with Sakura’s love and places it in the middle of the makeshift shrine. Then he grabs his bags and his soccer ball and runs out the door.

* * *

 

Sakumo clambers out of his hiding place after the front door slams shut, all the while snickering to himself. 

His son is absolutely ridiculous and a slightly over-the-top romantic at heart, but he’s absolutely _adorable_.

Still, Sakumo makes a note to himself to sit Kakashi down to have a serious talk about invasion of privacy.

 


	10. Chapter 10

AN: I now have a shiny tumblr! There’s literally nothing on it, so feel free to ask me anything and send me prompts: https://hypereuni.tumblr.com/

* * *

**Prompt (rrage)** : Ino as Kakashi’s wing-woman. Or the one where Ino has no moral qualms in ripping off susceptible young children.

* * *

 

“Flowers, flowers for sale!” Yamanaka Ino trills out and sighs when no one pays her any attention. It’s her day off from work, but Valentine’s Day is coming up and her mother wants Ino to help her with their family business.

So far business is slow and there’s no one on the streets that she recognizes, until she spots a flash of spiky white hair.

She grins.

"Oi, oi, Hatake-brat! Buy some roses! It’s a dozen for twenty bucks! I’ll throw in a few daisies just because you’re cute, kid.”

“No thanks,” Kakashi says and neatly sidesteps the blonde woman in front of Yamanaka Flowers. Undeterred, she waves a huge bouquet of pink roses and baby’s breath under his nose. 

“Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, you know,” she cajoles. 

Kakashi gives her an unimpressed look. “So?”

Ino smirks. “Well,” she says, idly examining her perfect fingernails. She raises her voice a little more. “I know for a fact that SA—”

“Not so loud!” Kakashi hisses. He looks around him, wide-eyed with fear. Ino grins widely.

“Well then, I know for a fact that my best friend whose name starts with an S and ends with an A,” she says instead, and Kakashi scowls, “LOVES roses.”

She’s having way too much fun teasing this kid, but if she really wants to get out of her work apron and go shopping with the girls, she just has to sell this one bouquet. 

“But,” Ino says, going for the kill, “You don’t even have the guts to give her flowers in person, do you?” Kakashi stiffens. _Good. One more push._ “Well, we have a solution for people just like you.”

Kakashi doesn’t say anything but he’s also not preparing to walk away like he did before. Ino allows herself a smile.

“Yamanaka Flowers can give her a special delivery on her birthday. It’ll have a personalized card and everything. And I told you—she LOVES flowers. What do you say?” She winks at Kakashi. 

Kakashi furrows his brow. Then he digs out a few crumpled bills from his pocket and forks it over to Ino.

_Mission accomplished._

“Pleasure to do business with you, kid,” Ino chirps and pockets the money. “I’ll send these off to Sakura as soon as possible. Did you want to send her a card as well?”

Kakashi nods his head. He opens his mouth to say something, thinks twice about it, and then visibly wilts. _Cute._

_“_ You don’t have to put your name on it if you don’t want to,” Ino says, finally taking some pity on the kid, who then brightens. He scribbles down something, seals the envelope and hands it to Ino before heading to his original destination. 

Ino, watching him leave, just gives a little shake of her head. _Puppy love_ , she thinks, and then turns back to the store, untying her apron as she goes. 

_Finally. Freedom at last._ Hopefully her mother will remember to include the cards with the deliveries this time.

* * *

“Ah, Ino dear,” her mother calls out when Ino opens the front door. “We couldn’t find you, but Sai-kun came back early and he’s been such a big help.”

“Sorry,” Ino says breezily. She walks into the store—and freezes when she sees a soggy envelope lying on the floor. It looks just like the one that Kakashi had given her a few hours ago. 

_Oh, shit._

“Sai, darling?” Ino raises her voice and Sai appears from the back room, wiping his hands on his apron. “Did this happen to all of the cards that went out?”

“Well, not all of them,” Sai says. He gives her one of his patented false smiles. “Only Sakura’s. But don’t worry, I wrote her a replacement card.”

Ino just stares at Sai. “What did you write in the card?” _Please please please let it not be—_

“Hag, of course,” Sai says. He pauses and considers for a moment. “Well, no,” he concedes. “In honor of the festivities, I thought it more acceptable to add a few more words to describe her personality.” 

“…Do I even want to know?” Ino moans. She doesn’t know what to say to Kakashi the next time she meets him. 

“Ugly, fat, short-tempered and mean,” Sai says serenely, ticking each word off his fingers. He cocks his head. “That’s what friends do, right?

“Gorgeous? Gorgeous, are you listening to me?”


	11. Chapter 11

Come and play with me on Tumblr: [hypereuni.tumblr.com](http://hypereuni.tumblr.com)! If you think of any interesting prompts that you want to read, feel free to send ‘em in! It helps me become a better writer and learn new things, like today’s prompt: river fishing. 

* * *

Someone asked me a while ago about the ages of all of the characters. I tried to be as true to the canon age differences as possible, but let me know if there’s a problem.

  * In the present, Kakashi is thirteen years old. Sakura and the rest of the Rookie Nine are 26. Uchiha Obito is thirteen, as are the rest of Kakashi’s classmates. Uchiha Shisui is eighteen; his cousin Itachi is 21. Sakumo and Maito Dai are 40, Uchiha Kagami is 44 and Kushina, Minato and the most of the Rookie Nine’s parents are 46-49 years old.
  * I'm just going to assume that Uchiha Kagami is Shisui's dad, because this story is all about father-son bonding and both of them seem pretty chill for Uchihas. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for Fugaku and Sasuke. 



Are there any other characters people want to see?

* * *

 

 

**Prompt (Jayuki): river fishing**

**"** Psst."

"Psst. Hey kid."

Kakashi ignores Obito's cousin.

"Kiiiiiiid."

Kakashi shifts the cover over the bait bucket so that the crickets wouldn't crawl out. He'd forgotten to do that last time he went fishing, and most of the crickets escaped before he could use any of them for bait.

"Oi, mop."

Kakashi whips around. "My hair is not a mop," he hisses. "Go bother the other idiot. I'm busy right now."

"Maa," Shisui pouts from his perch on the picnic table by the shore. "This, after all of the diapers I've changed for you, Kaka-chan? You wound my heart." He sniffles and clutches his chest dramatically.

"Shut up, Shisui-baka. I'm concentrating." Kakashi reaches down and grabs a cricket from the bait bucket, pinioning its wings and holding it tightly at its sides between his pointer finger and his thumb. The cricket struggles a little, but Kakashi threads a fishing hook through its mouth; the insect stills as the metal enters its body and forms a grotesque facsimile of a U-shaped backbone.

"Ewww, Kaka-chan," Shisui comments with a disgusted look on his face as he watches Kakashi bait the rest of his hooks in a similar fashion. "You cold-hearted bug killer, you. I don't remember raising you to be this ruthless."

Kakashi ignores the older boy and checks to make sure that the lines aren't tangled up and the hooks are properly baited. When he's sure that everything is fine, he strips down to his boxer shorts and wades into the water, fishing pole in hand. He casts the line.

"Ooohhh, loving that salmon pink!" Shisui hollers, clapping loudly. "Oh, oh, look who's here! My favorite cousin!"

"Shisui-nii, why are you here? Don't you have class today?" someone asks curiously, and Kakashi groans. The other person he can't tolerate the most in this world is also here. Figures.

"Obito!" Kakashi can just hear the evil grin in Shisui's voice. "I was just telling Kaka-chan here how much I love the color of his underwear."

There's a pause.

"It's not…pink, is it?"

"It's salmon pink," Shisui says proudly, as if it were his own article of clothing they were discussing.

"Oh. That probably explains why there's a picture of Cherry Bomb on the inside of his desk," Obito says. Kakashi freezes.

…Wait. The idiot noticed that?

Obito, like the idiot he is, has probably forgotten about Kakashi's keen hearing. Or maybe he does know that Kakashi's eavesdropping, because he doesn't stop there. "Kakashi's really into pink recently," he comments. "I was looking through his stuff for some blackmail material and I found this photo of a pink-haired lady in his planner." Obito scratches his head. "I don't know who she is, but she looks kind of familiar."

Kakashi nearly drops his fishing rod. That's...the picture of Sakura that he had taken a few days ago. She was talking to that Yamanaka woman at the florist's, and he couldn't resist the urge to take a picture of her laughing with her friend. He'd cropped Ino out of the picture, of course, and stuck the photo in his planner.

There's a small tug on the other end of the line, but Kakashi's distracted to care. If Obito's dug through Kakashi's desk, then he's probably shown Asthma Girl his findings, and if Rin's noticed, then Hana's definitely noticed. And if Inuzuka Hana's noticed, then the whole school will probably know by the end of today that Sakura sensei from the hospital and Cherry Bomb are one and the same.

Shiiiiiiiit.

"…Green eyes, pale skin, small face?" Shisui says abruptly.

There's another insistent tug but Kakashi ignores it and concentrates on the conversation happening by the shore. No no no, this can't be happening.

"I think so," Obito says doubtfully. Shisui grins.

"I think I know just the person you're talking about," he purrs. "And I have to say—I approve of his taste." He digs into his pocket and pulls out his phone. "Here, I saved a few of her pictures. Let me show you."

Whatever's hooked on the line tugs on the string harder, and out of desperation and rage but mostly just pure panic, Kakashi pulls.

* * *

 

"Nope, not this, not this, or this," Shisui mutters. Obito looks on, wide-eyed, as his older cousin clicks on picture after picture of gravure models. "Oh, here she is!" Shisui proudly shows Obito a picture of a bikini-clad girl holding a volleyball. She has pink hair, green eyes, pale skin and small facial features...and a bust that rivals Senju Tsunade's.

She's definitely not Haruno Sakura.

"I'll show you more of Megumi-chan's pictures later," Shisui whispers conspiratorially. "But seriously, if Kaka-chan's found Megumi-chan in his dad's porno mags, then his old man has some seriously good taste. I wonder if I could borrow some—PFFHTHTH!"

"Nii-san?" Obito, confused, turns around...and sees Shisui bent over, clutching his face. There's a huge fish flopping on the table next to him.

"I can't see anything," Shisui moans, cradling his head. "Heeeeelp."

"Uhhhh, I'll get Kagami oji-san," Obito promises, backing away before hitting something solid. He turns around.

Kakashi, sopping wet, glares back at him.

"So you went through my desk for blackmail material, hmm?" he growls. He cracks a knuckle menacingly, and Obito gulps.

**AN: I just re-read this chapter--and realized that this did not go down the way I wanted it to go *face palm*. Edited. Kakashi is not the sexually precocious boy that I made him sound like. oh god oh god oh god im so sorry**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Finally done with school! WOOHOO! Thank you so, so much for the thoughtful reviews!**

**Today's omakes were inspired by the guest who commented: "a part of me is reallly interested in sakumo teasing his senpai. (i could not wrap my head around it when i first read it lmao)". Kakashi's penchant of running his mouth is** _ **clearly**_   **hereditary. No Kakashi this time, since he isn't born yet.**

Ages: Sakumo is 15. Minato and Kushina are 22.

* * *

**OMAKE 1:**

Namikaze Minato is a hotshot. He's only a few years older than Sakumo and he's really not that much taller than him, but he's already going places. So when Sakumo looks down at the roster, he's absolutely thrilled to see who he's partnered with.

"Hatake Sakumo. Codename: White Fang," the roster reads. "Partner: Namikaze Minato. Codename: Yellow Flash."

"YESSSS!" Sakumo howls and gives himself a fist pump before someone thwacks him on the head with something hard. "OWWW, SENSEI! What was that for?"

"Hurry up and pass it to the next person, kid," Jiraiya-sensei's voice floats from somewhere behind him. Sakumo sits up, rubbing his head. Sensei ignores his glare and proceeds to unroll the Playboy magazine in his hand. Jiraiya flips a few pages before letting out a despairing moan.

"Oi, Hatake, you just made me lose my place!"

"Fine, fine," Sakumo grumbles. "Sorry not sorry, sensei." That earns him another thwack on the head and a 30 minute deduction from superhero training. He glares at sensei, who looks back at him innocently. Sakumo  **loves**  training and Jiraiya knows it.

Grumbling, Sakumo passes the roster to Dai, who gives him a huge smile. Sakumo grins at his friend. He glances back at Jiraiya, who's walking towards the blackboard in the front of the room, dirty mag in hand. When he's sure that the coast is clear, Sakumo leans across the aisle separating their desks.

"Dai, Dai," Sakumo whispers. "You can't  _believe_  who my partn—"

—"Shut it, Hatake, or I'll dock another 30 minutes from your training period," Jiraiya-sensei says without looking up from his reading and Sakumo sinks into his seat dejectedly.

"Yessir," he mumbles, but he still can't contain his excitement. Minato's so cool-looking and smart and his powers are soooo neat (like, teleportation? What the heck, dude?). Minato's academic and taijutsu scores from his Academy years are the stuff of legends; it's been years since Minato graduated from the Academy, but he's still undisputedly Number One. He won't be for long, though, because Sakumo plans to beat his scores in the last hour and 45 minutes of school left.

…He'll work out the logistics later.

Anyway, Minato-senpai's the best superhero partner that anyone could wish for, and with senpai's teleportation skills and Sakumo's keen senses, their team would be unstoppable. Heck, if they really wanted to, they could conquer the  _world_.

Sakumo wriggles in his seat excitedly and opens his mouth.

"HATAKE, I SWEAR IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD—"

—"Sorry, sensei."

* * *

**OMAKE 2:**

There's something wrong with Namikaze Minato.

Setting aside the fact that Minato reeks of toad (ugh), Senpai is just what Sakumo expects him to be, and his superpowers are just as cool as they are on television. And he's even modest, too boot. Mothers probably make up the majority of his fan base.

Of course, he'd never expected Minato to be totally perfect. Senpai never cleans up after himself; whenever they have to share hotel rooms on missions, Minato leaves his dirty laundry all over the floor of the room. He's a slob and a crybaby, and he's also really fun to tease because of how much he resembles a boiled lobster when he's embarrassed. It's almost as red as the hair of Uzumaki Kushina, who's very annoying and very pretty.

The press call her the Red Hot-Blooded Habanero. Her peers, shuddering, call her the Neighborhood Menace. And only a few brave souls dare to whisper "Tomato" to her face. Idiots.

Sakumo, in the privacy of his mind, calls her Carrots.

Anyway, there's just something that seems a little  _off_  about the way Minato interacts with Uzumaki Kushina in front of other people. Like the way that Minato declares, rather uncharacteristically, that he hates Uzumaki Kushina and avoids her before Kushina chases him down and drags him somewhere to "teach him a lesson." Sakumo really doesn't want to know what Kushina's teaching senpai, because Minato always comes back from these lessons looking dazed and confused and bizarrely happy.

He likes to tease Minato about it just for kicks, but Sakumo's really not that interested in the awkward passive-aggressive courtship between his partner and Carrots. His dogs did it all the time. They could probably teach them a thing or two to speed the process up.

What he's  _really_  interested in is the invisible barrier around Minato's house that apparently nobody besides Sakumo notices. Not even Inuzuka Tsume could tell when he showed it to her, and her eyes and nose are as keen as his own (well, maybe not. His was probably better).

Now that he thought about it, it hasn't always been there, has it? Sakumo's actually never been inside Minato's house before so he couldn't really say for certain; he's only waited outside the gates whenever Minato wanted to stop by for emergency supplies. If he didn't have his nose, Sakumo would have definitely walked past it like the any other denizen of Konoha. It stinks of crackling ozone and diesel fuel and  _animal_ , and the stench makes him want to vomit and keep away.

Weirdly enough, it doesn't seem to affect Kushina, because Sakumo sees her popping in and out of Minato's house all the time.

Minato is hiding stuff from him, and Sakumo wants to know  _why_. This is definitely a mission for Hatake Sakumo, super in training.

His targets?

Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina.

* * *

Sakumo skulks around Minato's garden. He holds his breath before sidestepping the barrier, looking for clues before he's caught by Uzumaki Kushina.

"What'cha doin' here?" Carrots pops her head out of the window. She narrows her eyes suspiciously at Sakumo. Then her eyes widen in horror. "Don't tell me…you weren't taking a piss in the bushes or anything, were you?"

Sakumo gives her an incredulous and horrified look.

"O-of course not! What kind of person do you think I am?"

Kushina shrugs.

"Dunno," she says. "I always thought you were one of Minato's fanboys until I met you, but I guess I was right. You ARE one of his crazy stalker fans."

"I am NOT a stalker!" Sakumo says, offended. "I mean, I might have thought that Senpai was pretty cool before but-"

"But?" Kushina raises her eyebrow. Sakumo sweats.

-"He's still cool! I'm sorry for offending your boyfriend! Anyway, I just wanted to stop by because I wanted to look at this really interesting barrier so please don't mind me. Anyway, what are  _you_  doing here, Carrots?"

"It's not Carrots, little boy, it's the Fiery Habanero!" Kushina shrieks, outraged. "And, uh, I'm waiting for Minato because he promised to hang out with me later! Because we're, um, buddies! Best buddies!" She sticks her thumb at her chest. "I'm the bestest buddy he'll ever have!" Kushina says triumphantly. "So there!"

Sakumo waves his hand dismissively.

"Whatever, lady. I thought that Senpai went camping with Jiraiya-sensei for the weekend."

"...Oh right. Yeah, I knew that!"

"Then why are you here?"

"Because...uh. Minato wanted me...to take care of...his house plants? Actually, why am I justifying myself to you? You're the one who's trespassing on someone else's property right now!"

"Fine, fine," Sakumo mutters, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll come back later."

"DON'T COME BACK EVER! Or I'll turn into a fox and EAT YOU UP!"

Sakumo returns back home discouraged, but not before going away without an important finding.

Minato's backyard is scentmarked.

_Stay away_ , it warns.  _ **Mine.**_

It's not Kushina's scent.

* * *

"Senpai, what's with the weird barrier around your house?" Sakumo asks Minato when the man returns from his trip to Mount Myoboku. "I had a really hard time getting into your backyard."

"...Wait. What? You were able to see the barrier I put up?" Minato says, dumbfounded. "How?" Sakumo taps his nose and Minato sighs.

"Figures," Minato mutters. "You didn't see anything, did you?"

"Nooo," Sakumo replies. "Why?" He narrows his eyes.

"I mean, first of all, there's a reason why there's a barrier around my house. You can't just barge into my backyard just because you're curious about the sealwork, Sakumo. I'm surprised that you were able to find it, though."

"Are you raising a pet?"

"W-what makes you say that?"

"Because if I didn't know any better," Sakumo says slowly. "I would have said that your backyard smells like Gamabunta, except he doesn't reek of  _fox_." He doesn't miss how Minato's face pales.

"Ummm. My, uh, giant pet fox gets a little, um, out of hand. He likes to eat, uh, toads. And other things. Hence the barrier."

"Oh, okay. Well, I hope that isn't a weird metaphor for Kushina-san, because if it is, I don't think Kushina will be very pleased to be referred to as a pet," Sakumo tells him. Minato sputters. "She does smell similar. Her scent is a little different, though: more angry, less toad-y. And she's definitely not male. You haven't been talking to Orochimaru-sensei, have you?"

"W-w-what? Where did you get THAT idea, kid?"

"Good, because if you're trying to impress your girlfriend by imitating one of the Sannin," Sakumo continues, ignoring Minato's impression of a goldfish, "I suggest that you stop, because Orochimaru-sensei is a creep and he sucks at flirting. Plus, I don't think any girl would be pleased to get a toad-fox hybrid for her birthday." Sakumo pauses. "Actually, don't try to copy any of the Sannin. Kushina-san will punt you into a wall if you try any of Jiraiya's pick-up lines on her. Or if you punch her in the face like Tsunade-sama. Your girlfriend is terrifying, by the way."

"Wait, wait, slow down," Minato finally gasps, slowly but surely turning very, very red. Sakumo grins. "I am NOT dating Uzumaki Kushina. She is not my girlfriend. Nuh uh."

"Reeaaally?" Sakumo gives his partner a searching look.

"We're not d-dating," Minato stutters. "Uh. Ew. Gross."

...Minato is a  **horrible**  liar.

"Of course he's not," someone else says brightly. Kushina-san strolls in, popping her gum, and casually links arms with Minato. "Because we're  _married_. Right, darling?" She gives Minato a peck on the cheek.

_Well, that just explained everything._

"Dear, that's a state secret!" Minato hisses. His face is still lobster red. "And stop doing that. It defeats the whole purpose of keeping this a secret in the first place!"

"Whatevs, hun," Kushina returns, unruffled. She cracks her gum and blows a bubble.

"You could have just told me, you know," Sakumo says, rolling his eyes. "It was pretty obvious. Everyone knows that Kushina-san's got you whipped, anyway. Why bother keeping your marriage a secret?" He doesn't feel hurt at all that Minato chose not to tell him such an important secret.

...Fine. Maybe just a little. But only because he has a few bets about Minato and Kushina's relationship with Fugaku, Mikoto, Kagami and Dai and his money is on the line.

"Well, you know. This and that," Kushina says vaguely, waving her hand. "Young love, smelly old geezers getting in the way. The works."

"Sorry for not telling you, Sakumo," Minato says, looking apologetically at Sakumo.

"It's fine, senpai," Sakumo replies. "Just don't keep me in the dark for too long." He's about to make bank on this news. Fugaku and Kagami are  _so_  not going to be happy about this. Mikoto wouldn't be either, come to think of it. It was her fault for betting on something as ridiculous as the existence of a secret child between the two of them, anyway.

"Yep," Kushina chirps. "We're definitely not hiding any other S-ranked secrets. Nope."

Minato groans and facepalms.

"So." Kushina crosses her arms. "What's this about a hybrid creature?"

"Nothing, dear," Minato says hurriedly. Kushina ignores him.

"Senpai's planning to give you a toad-fox for your birthday, which, in my opinion, is a  _terrible_  idea," Sakumo informs Kushina. "So you'd better ask for something else. I think he's already made it, though."

Minato stammers something unintelligible.

Kushina slowly grins.

"No need. I think we're happy with the one we have," she says, and gives him a wink. She yanks on Minato's arm. "Come on, pretty boy. Naruto's going to wake up soon."

Minato groans. "Already?" he asks. "It's only 3 in the afternoon."

"Yeah, well, we're switching shifts. It's your turn now, hun. Make sure to stop by the store."

"WHAT? I literally just bought two dozen bottles of formula this morning. Where did it all go?"

"He also finished the last pack of instant ramen noodles. Well, not alone-I helped a little."

"...He's going to be a real monster when he grows up."

"I'll take most of the credit for that, since I was the one who carried him for nine months."

Sakumo just stares after the two of them with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

...He's not so sure about his winnings anymore.


	13. Mid-life Crisis: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Sakumo decides to come out of Super retirement and ends up with a job that he probably regrets taking on. Meanwhile, Kagami vents about family, Fugaku gets plastered, Kushina gushes about her children and Dai finishes seven pints of beer.
> 
>  
> 
> Lots of bored dads talking about work, parenting woes and gossip. A smidgen of small-town politics.

Prompt: How Sakumo came to know Sakura/how Sakumo comes out of retirement. Unbeta'ed.

** PART I **

* * *

 Notes: Kakashi is six. Team 7 and the rest of the gang are nineteen. Uchiha Obito, Shisui and Itachi are six, eleven and fourteen, respectively. Sakumo and Maito Dai are 33, Uchiha Kagami is 37, and Kushina, Minato and the long-suffering Uchiha Fugaku are 40. 

* * *

 

On Friday nights when Kakashi has peewee soccer practice after school, Sakumo turns in his paperwork at 5, changes out of his uniform and heads over to his favorite pub. It’s usually empty on weeknights, but today there are already people milling around, playing darts or gossiping in small groups around the pool table. Sakumo spots a familiar green tracksuit-clad back at the bar counter. Dai has evidently started happy hour without him.

“Evening, Dai,” Sakumo greets, pulling out the stool besides his neighbor. Dai nods at him and raises his pint of beer in acknowledgment. The bartender brings over a pint for Sakumo. 

“Long day at work?” Dai guesses. 

“Paperwork, as usual,” Sakumo grumbles. 

Dai hums in commiseration. “Well, at least you have the weekend ahead of you,” he says brightly. “Any plans?”

“I’ll probably sleep in tomorrow,” Sakumo replies. “But that’s only if Gai doesn’t come around to wake Kakashi up at 6.” 

Dai laughs. “Sorry about that. But you do have to admit, he’s gotten much better about it than last year.”

“True. At least he doesn’t ring the doorbell at 4 in the morning anymore. Seriously, what on earth do you feed that kid for breakfast? Steroids?”

“Usually some natto and brown rice with miso soup and kabocha squash, or peanut butter on a slice of whole wheat with a boiled egg and a half of a banana,” Dai reels off, ticking off each choice with a finger. “But lately he’s only been eating the cereal. I haven’t had the heart to stop him, not when he thinks that Cheerios contain the essence of youth.” He sighs. “At least I switched him over to something relatively sugar-free. He’s not bouncing off the walls like he used to.”

“…What’s different from last year?”

“I let him pick the cereal last time,” Dai says glumly. “Big mistake.” Sakumo winces and internally resolves to steer clear of the cereal aisle the next time he goes to the grocery store. It’s a good thing that Kakashi isn’t a huge fan of sweets. One hyperactive kid living next door was good enough for him; he didn’t want another one in his home, _thank you very much_. The wind chime at the door tinkles, announcing the arrival of a new customer. The man who walks in ambles over to the bar once he spots the telltale shock of white hair and the shiny bowl-cut from a distance.

“Well, I see you two fine gentlemen have already started without me,” he says once he reaches them, mock-hurt coloring his voice. “I’m mortally wounded.”

“Kagami-san!” Dai greets. Sakumo grins at the older man. “Come and sit with us.” 

“Don’t mind if I do,” Uchiha Kagami drawls, easing into the other seat next to Dai. Uchiha Kagami has aged some since his Super days as Mirror, judging from the crow’s feet by his temples and the grey streaks in his unruly hair. His tendency for dramatics, on the other hand, hasn’t changed a whit.

“What happened to your plans with your boy?” Dai asks. “I saw him running around with Itachi an hour ago.” 

Kagami shrugs. He languidly signals to the bartender with a pale, slender hand; within a few minutes, the bartender slides a frothy pint across the counter towards him. "Something probably came up, I presume," he says breezily. "I'm not complaining. Here’s to ice-cold beers on a Friday night with my favorite people.” They all clink glasses.

“Good-sized crowd today,” Kagami observes, scanning the room for familiar faces to greet.

"It's probably the heat driving us all in here," Sakumo says wryly. “Even Orochimaru’s here, and I’ve never seen him in here before.” He indicates the man lurking behind Jiraiya’s spiky mane, boredly poking at the olive in his martini. 

"Yeah, I see some clansmen that I didn't even know drank in public," Kagami mutters before making a face when he sees the two men entering the pub. “Ugh. Here comes my two most favorite people in this town.”

“Hey,” Sakumo protests. “I thought _we_ were your most favorite people.” 

“I lied,” Kagami says with a deadpan look on his face. “Love is a fickle thing, you know.”

“Who are they?” Dai asks. He’s already on his third pint and his cheeks are slowly turning pink. 

“Just two self-important idiots that I have the absolute pleasure of working with,” Kagami mutters. He nods toward the man with the straight hair and the upturned collar. “Inabi’s the one who submitted that asinine proposal about enforcing mandatory respect towards elders a while ago because one of Chief’s sons attacked him.”

“Which one?” Dai asks.

“It’s probably Sasuke,” Sakumo guesses.

“Wrong son. It’s Itachi. Actually, no, you’re partially right. Sasuke went after Inabi when he heard about what Inabi did to his little brother.”

“What happened?” Sakumo asks incredulously. If it was Uchiha Sasuke fighting, Sakumo would understand, but Uchiha Itachi wasn’t the type to brawl with someone. Itachi was so well-mannered that it was unnatural. 

“This happened before Itachi got his glasses. It was late at night, and Itachi was walking back from cram school alone. Kid couldn’t really see anything, obviously; he’s blind as a dingbat, and everything looks scarier at night. He told me that there were some blobby things blocking the path leading to his house. They refused to let him pass, and Mikoto-chan, like the responsible parent she is, told him about stranger danger, so Itachi may or may not have used some, ah, forcible self-defense. One of the blobs was apparently Inabi, and he hasn’t forgotten it since.”

“Didn’t Itachi get his glasses when he was ten?” Dai asks, frowning. “That’s very unyouthful of your cousin to bully such a young child.”

“Yeah. Don’t ask me how Inabi’s brain works, because I have no idea. Fugaku even showed him Itachi’s eye prescription and Inabi _still_ won’t accept his apology. Also, we’re not cousins.”

“What is he, then?”

Kagami counts his fingers. “…Second cousin once removed. Yashiro’s further away on the family tree. Thank goodness for that.”

“I’m assuming the person next to him is Yashiro,” Dai says, looking at the older man with white hair. 

“Yup. He’s been putting on airs ever since his daughter became involved with one of the higher-ups. It’s probably Mitokado, but even I’m not entirely sure. I’d rather not know.” Kagami shudders. “Yashiro’s a nasty piece of work.”

“His daughter’s only sixteen,” Sakumo explains to Dai in an undertone. “And Councilman Mitokado’s old enough to be her grandfather.”

Kagami shrugs. “Didn’t stop him from pimping her out to the local politicians.” Dai looks faintly ill. Sakumo pats him on the back and shoves Kagami’s neglected pint towards the other man. 

“Drink up, senpai. Don’t mind them.”

“Thanks,” Kagami says, accepting his beer. He scowls. “Why the fuck are they here, anyway? Yashiro doesn’t even drink.” 

“Who knows?” Sakumo says, looking for things to distract Kagami. He spots a plate of soft pretzels on the counter that the local baker had brought in. “Here, uh, have some pretzels from Teyaki’s. They’re on the house.” But even the promise of free bar snacks doesn’t stop Kagami from raging. 

“The worst thing about work,” Kagami says, savagely ripping a soft pretzel into tiny pieces, “isn’t Fugaku’s tendency to micromanage or the shitty office politics. It’s the fact that 80% of the people I work with are fucktards and tools, and that I’m related to the majority of them in some way or form.”

“Well, at least Chief isn’t one of them,” Sakumo sighs. “It could be a lot worse.” 

“…True,” Kagami concedes reluctantly. “Fugaku’s a lot of things, but at least he has his shit together. For the most part. He’s not here, is he?” He dusts off the salty crumbs on his hands and looks around the pub again. He gives a cursory glance at the other side of the U-shaped bar before freezing. 

“…Speak of the devil. _Fuck_ , I promised him that I’d give that Ame report to him by the end of today and I totally forgot to do it—awww shit shit _shit_ he’s looking in this direction—”

“Is…is tha’ you, Kagami?” Police Chief Uchiha Fugaku slurs, raising his head from the other side of the bar and squints in their direction. Kagami sheepishly salutes. 

“Hi, Chief!” Kagami says cheerfully, elbowing Sakumo in the ribs. From the corner of his mouth, he mumbles, “ _I’m so fucked_.”

“Good t’ see you as w-well," Fugaku hiccups. He picks up one of the small bottles of sake in front of him and tilts it towards his cup. When nothing happens, he sets it down and repeats his actions with the other bottle. The sake cup stays empty.

“Er, Chief? Fugaku? You okay?”

“‘M swell,” Fugaku replies a few beats later. He peers into his cup, and then into the open mouth of the sake bottle. “’S empty.” He giggles.

“…Is he always like this at home?” Sakumo asks Kagami quietly.

“I’ve known him for my entire life, and I’ve never seen him get this plastered,” Kagami mutters back. “It’s probably Sasuke.”

“Need ano’ drin’,” Fugaku slurs to nobody in particular. “A r-real’ strong on’.” He looks up and blinks owlishly at them. “Puberty,” he says, “Never ends.” Then he sighs and thunks his head facedown on the wooden counter. Kagami makes eye contact with the barkeeper, and the man hurries over with a glass of water. 

“I’m going to go check up on him,” Kagami says abruptly, hopping off his chair. “Be right back.” 

 

He barely makes it to the other side of the bar before something bright red barrels into him with the force of a typhoon.

 

“SORRY, SORRY, COMING THROUGH,” the blur shrieks. It sounds suspiciously like Uzumaki Kushina, but that can’t be true, because she and Minato had moved two counties away nineteen years ago per her great-aunt’s wishes. Minato popped in now and then to report to HQ, but no one had seen Kushina in years. But if it really was her, then she wouldn’t have come alone—

“Dear, we really should be heading out now. The kids are waiting,” Namikaze Minato’s harried voice sounds from afar.

“Don’t be such a wet towel, Minato,” the blur rebukes. “I haven’t had this much fun in ages.”

“Blanket.”

“Whatever, you party-pooper. Oh oh oh, I found Sakumo! And Dai! And Fugaku! How ARE you, dattebane?” Namikaze Kushina nee Uzumaki asks excitedly. From the looks of it, Kushina was evidently enjoying being in a place with more people and fewer toads. 

“My head hurts,” Kagami groans. “I need a drink.”

“Drin’?” Fugaku looks hopefully at Kagami.

“You’ve been DRINKING, Fugaku? YOU DRINK? How come you never drank with meeee, dattebane?” Kushina complains. She squints into Fugaku’s face and gasps. “Are you DRUNK? FUGAKU? ARE YOU OKAY??” She grabs Fugaku by the shoulders and shakes him. “FUGAKU!!”

“Honey, _you’re_ making things not okay,” Minato says with a note of exasperation. Kushina ignores him and plonks herself onto the stool besides Fugaku. 

“Fugaku, spill,” she says seriously. “Is Miko-chan mad at you? Did you guys fight?” 

“Hon, you shouldn’t—”

Kushina glares at her husband and Minato subsides.

“Not Mikoto,” Fugaku mumbles. “Sas’ke.” He burps.

“He’s acting up again, isn’t he? Miko-chan keeps me updated.” Kushina scrunches her nose, and then brightens. “Isn’t he about the same age as Naruto and Menma? They can be friends! Oh, thank goodness. I was worried that those two wouldn’t have any human friends. They don’t have anyone else to talk to besides us and their younger siblings and the toads, poor things.”

“Siblings?” Dai says with a confused expression.

“Three, actually!” Kushina chirps. “I can show you pictures of them!” She takes out her wallet and pulls out a faded photograph of her, Minato, and five children. One of the boys had Minato’s distinctive blonde hair; the other three children, two girls and one boy, had Kushina’s red hair. The only one who didn’t share either parent’s coloring lurked behind his twin like a shadow.

“Oh god,” Kagami quietly says, materializing next to Sakumo and Dai with a pint in his hand. “She’s made mini-clones of herself.”

“Naruto, Menma, Nanami, Mayu, and Kamaboko. Aren’t they beautiful?” Kushina beams, evidently mistaking Kagami’s snark as a compliment. “I have more photos! Fugaku, Dai, do you want to see?” She rummages through her purse. “Anyway, I can’t believe it’s already been twenty years. Or is it fifteen? Time really flies when there’s no one around to remind you. Toads don’t really have a sense of time, you know.”

“Well, you haven’t changed at all, Kushina-san,” Dai tells her gallantly, and Kushina giggles and whacks him on the arm. 

“Oh, you heartbreaker,” she says fondly. 

 

“Sorry if Kushina interrupted anything,” Minato apologizes to Sakumo and Kagami on the side, looking worn and frazzled. “It’s been a while since she’s been back in town.” He flashes a tired smile at Sakumo. “Sakumo. Good to see you.”

“Welcome back, Minato-senpai,” Sakumo says. He grins at Minato. “Don’t worry about it. I’d be the same if I had to stay at home with no one to talk to but my great-aunt and the kiddies and a bunch of toads. Are the two of you out on a date?” He waggles his eyebrows. Minato doesn’t crack a smile.

“Something like that,” Minato says vaguely. 

“…Minato, you look like death. Happily married people on dates look a little more alive than you do,” Kagami informs him. Sakumo takes a proper look at Minato’s face. In the month that he hasn’t seen him, Minato has aged: dark circles etched under his eyes, streaks of gray in his blonde hair.

Minato sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Do you mind if we talk somewhere a little more private?” He finally says. “I’d like to talk to both of you about something. Fugaku as well, although I suspect that he won’t be awake for long.” He taps two fingers on his upper left bicep twice before casually brushing off some specks of dust off his pristine coat-sleeve. _We're being watched._ He straightens his collar, eyes flicking towards his wife.  _Kushina. Danger._

Sakumo's smile hardens. It's less of a friendly greeting than a primal baring of teeth, a show of aggression in the face of an unknown threat.

“Of course. My place at 9?” Sakumo says. “I’ll drop Dai off at his place before.”

“Sounds good. I’ll head over there after I send Fugaku home,” Kagami says, eyes flickering between Sakumo and Minato. He’d always been a quick study.

“Yes, I’ll see you there with Kushina," Minato says with a relieved expression. "Thanks, Sakumo.”

“No worries, senpai. See you soon.”


End file.
